What if business school reflected reality?
September is back to school month. What if business school reflected reality? Here are some courses that should be considered mandatory.
501-Management Theory and practice working with obnoxious people.
Other personality types to watch out for when taking a new job-the braggart, the Backstabber, the Lech and the liar. Studio effective coping strategies that, for the most part, do not involve bloodshed.
2004-Macroeconomics taking credit for improvements in the economy.
Analyze the advanced techniques of the incumbents to make sure the peaks of the national economy in time for the November elections. How fiscal and monetary policy are used to moderate the economic cycle. And learn how pigs fly.
Camp 501-Accounting for tax freshman.
The students visit Camp Ficafuta where they have a pretty exciting experience of two weeks to learn how to build the 250 or so tax forms now required of all small businesses.
Management 123-tackle Clueless.
Learning to work cooperatively with colleagues mentally challenges. How to conduct an entire conversation with one syllable words. Recognize the signs of eye glasses in addition to a meeting. How to communicate with hand signals when necessary. Finding out that you do not need orange hair and floppy shoes to be a Bozo.
Marketing Lab 101-Theory and practice of being rejected for sale.
Eager broker trainees are immersed in the world of cold calling. The workshop meets every Thursday from 2:00 to 4:00, or up to half the class in tears. Students are required to take Prozac and at least one change of underwear. This is well known as the toughest class of choice available.
Management Fundamentals 8:45 of overtime.
Dr. S. Legree. Students learn how to apologize to their spouse missing dinner four nights in a row. How to concentrate on their computer at night while the crew is running on empty. How to determine which shops are sure to make purchases after midnight.
of Business Law 101 lawyers are people, too.
aspiring entrepreneurs learn the subtle differences between a lawyer an hour and a 0 a 0. Why Women’s lawyers not to wear make-up. The meaning of the secret handshake that gives your opponent’s lawyer before a meeting. Why a law firm is always more beautiful than yours.
Realty 501-Getting a bank loan to start your business.
This is taught by the real estate department, because if you put your home as collateral, is not getting no loan gem.
Finance 666-How to be a venture capitalist.
financiers young people learn the art of printing a large number of form letter rejections from their laptops while they are at a lunch for two hours. Methods of recycling old, unread business plan in festive holiday packaging material. The choice of a secretary who can say, “Sorry, he’s in a meeting.” 256 times a day and still sound marginally convincing.
Finance 50,210-L ‘art of appearing Rich with a limited budget.
How to rent a Lexus evening at a time. Shopping at Penney J. Stafford College C.. Enamel paint over your Platinum Card American Express starter. Ordering wine for your boss in a restaurant without disturbing on how long it takes the French guy to get the screw cap off the bottle.
Finance 459-Fantasy financial forecasts.
budgeting Baby learn the similarities between a planning session and a Mad Hatter’s Tea Party. How to choose a program spreadsheet of fantasy you can increase your credibility, even the most ridiculous numbers. Because the hockey stick approach almost always works. And last but not least, because investors consider business plans works of fiction.